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Chapter 4
Wounds From Others.
The first few chapters of this book were intended to give you a quick and simple understanding of wounds, their affects and the cures thereof. We endeavored to give you a vision that God wants to heal you and that He will use a close relationship to Him to do so. We will now go into more about the various causes of these wounds and pray that as you read you may be enlightened by the Holy Spirit to recognize such wounds within yourself.
I am not proposing to be an expert on the subject of inner wounds, abuse and inner healing. However, I have learned some things about these subjects from my own experience and deliverance, from the Word of God, from the [1] Inner Healing book, and from my co-editors Michael and Karen. This book is not meant to be a complete clinical manual for inner healing. Rather it is intended to bring you the primary facts about wounds and the primary means of healing them. I believe that God will use our simple understanding and simple style of writing to encourage you, perhaps a simple believer, to pursue wholeness.
Encouragement.
I would like
to give an encouraging word to you if perhaps you were abused, rejected or
wounded in some way by another person or just by life itself. I want to encourage you if you are
struggling with a habit, addiction or ungodly lifestyle. As we progress further into future
chapters, you will be given the solution to your problem, no matter how deep
you feel in bondage or how long you have been there. You will not need to live with the feeling of inadequacy all
of your life. Many rejected people
feel like a constant failure. They
feel like everything that they do or touch will fail, even their relationship
with God. Often they feel inferior to other believers and
wonder why they do not have the same intimacy with God that others have.
Where was God?
God is sovereign. He rules this universe with an unmatched
intelligence while at the same time not violating His original purpose for man.
He wants a love relationship with man. However in order to enjoy a love
relationship, man must have the potential for the opposite, which is a
rejection of His sovereign rule and His love. Without your free volition, you could
not truly love. Therefore, evil people do evil things. That is why so many
things happen in our lives for which we have no explanation. You might ask,
"Where was God when my father rejected me?" Or, "Where was God
when my close relative raped me at an early age?" "I had no choice in
those matters." One could ask why God allowed Job, a "perfect
man," to go through what he endured. By the way, we have a booklet on that
subject titled Job's Journey.[2]
No one can give you an adequate answer to those
"why" questions. However I believe that the Word of God gives us some
answers that can bring us peace, security, closure and purpose. Jesus' work on
the Cross and His resurrection, coupled with your new birth resulting from that
work, gives you the potential, through grace, to convert every tragic
experience in your life to a blessing. I believe that the more tragic the
experience, the larger the potential blessing. I could not be doing the work
that God has me doing in the Kingdom of God had it not been for my tragic past
experiences. I know that Michael and Karen are being greatly used by God in
bringing inner healing programs to scores of people in many nations only
because of their tragic past. Rather than despising your past, allow God to
convert your "junk" into "jewels," as defined in our book,
Junk to Jewels. [3]
In addition, I think it is important to keep in mind God's
priorities and purposes. I do not believe that it is God's purpose to give us
an easy life, making sure that we do not suffer in any way. While He does not
dispense suffering, it is a means that He uses to carry out one of His primary
purposes, that being the defeat of Satan and his band of followers in finality.
Job's experience defeated the satanic influence in Job's realm of influence. I
believe that is the primary theme of the Book of Job. Paul's "messenger
from Satan," his "thorn in the flesh," (2 Corinthians 12) was
defeated in Paul's life. Overcoming wounds and circumstances that produce
suffering is about more than giving us freedom, it is also about defeating
those satanic beings and curses that are in our realm of influence.
"I now rejoice in my sufferings for you, and fill up
in my flesh what is lacking in the afflictions of Christ, for the sake of His
body, which is the church" (Colossians 1:24).
Rejection really hurts, finds
brain study.
Source: New Scientist - Date: 9 October 2003
Lonely hearts have spent
millennia trying to capture the pain of rejection in painting, poetry and song.
Now neuroscientists have seen it flickering in some remarkable brain images
from college students suffering a social snub.
The brain scans reveal
that two of the same brain regions that are activated by physical pain are also
activated by social exclusion.
I interviewed a lady who has been a
social worker in nursing homes for quite some time and has studied Alzheimer's
and dementia at great lengths. She informed me that when a person has a
traumatic event it causes an excess of adrenaline to pump into the brain. The
result is that a "chemical marker" is placed on the brain. This
marker has the potential to replay the traumatic event over and over. This lady
is a Christian. I asked if she thought that inner healing and forgiveness
through the Blood of Jesus could heal this issue. She said definitely yes. I
submit that the marker changes from a scab to a scar. We will cover this issue
in a later chapter. Former addicts tell us
that they have experienced a "euphoric recall" from these markers,
which are sometimes caused by drugs, pornography, or other thrill causing
events. Veterans from wars often
suffer from the trauma they saw.
One of the products of rejection is a broken spirit.
Proverbs 15:13
says, "A joyful heart makes a cheerful face, but when the heart is sad,
the spirit is broken.
A broken spirit, brought about by rejection is
capable of "drying up," or taking away the desire for life.
Proverbs 17:22
says, "A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the
bones."
If the desire for life has gone, there is no chance
for healing to take place.
Proverbs 18:14
says, The spirit of a man can endure his sickness, but a broken spirit who can
bear?"
The most powerful
positive force in the universe is the love of God.
God is love; therefore, love is God's most
powerful force.
1 John 4:8,16 says, "The one who does not
love does not know God, for God is love." "And we have come to know
and have believed the love, which God has for us. God is love and the one who
abides in love abides in God, God abides in him, and he in God."
If love is the most powerful positive force in creation, it
follows that lack of love is the most powerful negative force in creation.
Rejection is the denial of love and acceptance in our lives. It is probably the
most painful, the most neglected; yet one of the most common emotional wounds
from which we suffer. These broken relationships and rejection issues come in
all sizes and shapes and from so many different sources. Later in this chapter
we will look at wounds caused in a marriage. Even at wounds caused by a church,
church family or church authority figure can be damaging.
Some of the forms of rejection are denial,
refusal, and rebuff, slighting, shunning, spurning, ignoring, neglecting,
avoiding and disapproving. It becomes obvious that rejection is not always
physical. Nor is it always recognizable.
Rejection can lead to fear of further
rejection and self-rejection. Some of
the manifestations of the fear of rejection, according to the Inner Healing
book we have been using are, anger, bitterness, cults and gangs,
self-rejection, hurt, self-pity, despair, depression, isolation and suicide.
The Inner Healing book we are using lists in Session Four
the following issues having to do with the fruit of rejection.
The
Fruit of Rejection and Reasons for Rejection.
Rejection acts like a tree with a bitter root. It can only
produce bitter fruit. Listed below are some examples of the fruit rejection
produces:
Inability
to receive love, inability to love others, insecurity, withdrawal, suspicion,
inferiority, social shyness, fear of failure, fear of man, fear of rejection,
self-rejection, daydreaming/fantasizing.
Reasons
for rejection.
Prenatal
rejections:
1.
Conceived too soon after marriage.
2.
Conceived too close to the birth of a previous child.
3. A
financial strain on the family is created.
4. Fear
of failure.
5.
Conflict between the parents-to-be.
6. Contemplated
or attempted abortion.
7.
Parents disappointment with the sex gender of the child.
Other
reasons.
Physical
problems.
Victim
of Circumstances.
Victim of abuse, verbal,
physical, sexual.
As we showed in a previous chapter, Jesus performed a
miracle as recorded in Mark chapter 2. This story of the paralytic shows us
that forgiveness, i.e., the sin of rejection borne by Jesus instead of you,
brings inner healing. With this inner healing the fruits and manifestations of
rejection eventually go away.
You may not be paralyzed in body, but maybe in spirit
or in lifestyle.
Maybe you are paralyzed to stop drugs. Maybe you are eating
to medicate your relationship emptiness; maybe you are doing destructive things
to your body like cutting or other such painful acts. Maybe you cannot stop
inordinate sex, porno, anger, or depression. It could be simply being extremely
performance oriented or self-righteous in order to cover the pain. Some use
adventure, overindulging in sports and other daredevil activities, and the list
goes on. Your external paralysis has an inner cure for which Jesus paid the
ultimate price. Perhaps you are just not experiencing the "abundant
life."
Other types of wounds,
rejection from others.[6]
Many
people come from dysfunctional homes. That doesn't necessarily mean alcoholism
or drug abuse is in the home. Alcohol and drug abuse are merely forms of
dysfunction. There are many forms of dysfunction, but to simplify the term, any
home in which Christ is not the Head, is dysfunctional.
Physical
abuse, mental abuse, sexual abuse, or even a highly demanding parent can produce
dysfunction in a home. The parent who requires constant perfection initiates a
climate of performance orientation in the home. The child is prompted to
perform to receive love and attention. This is a dysfunctional home atmosphere!
Physical
abuse.
The
physically abused child is immediately filled with fear and confusion. There is
no doubt in its mind that it has been rejected. Deep down, feelings of anger,
and a desire to get even and to punish, begin to build. Because the child has
an abusive role model, he is likely to become an abuser, himself.
Sexual
abuse.
The child
who has been subject to molestation develops an inability to be open and warm
with people. He usually displays a victim mentality, and lacks the ability to
trust anyone, especially authority figures.
The
wounds from sexual abuse run deep. They have caused many people to live
lifestyles that are very destructive. They seem to cause despair and
hopelessness. I have seen lives that have been marvelously healed and that are
being greatly used by God for the healing of others.
Wrong sex
preference.
A child
may be very much wanted until it is born. The sex preference is a serious
matter with some parents. However, no matter how strong the personal preference
might be, it can be very destructive to the child for the parents to reject it
because of something over which the child had no control The sex was
predetermined by God and should be accepted by the parents.
Many
parents are deeply disappointed over the sex of their children. The rejection of
the babies may not be done maliciously, but done, nevertheless, with no
understanding of the consequences.
When this
wound occurs, the devil is quick to take advantage of it. Parental rejection
due to the wrong sex sometimes causes boys to become effeminate, and girls to
become masculine.
A child
who is rejected because it is the wrong sex, will sense this at a very early
age. They will often seek to gain parental acceptance by performing as one of
the opposite sex.
Consequently,
a child who is rejected because of its wrong sex may grow to hate and reject
itself. Rejection of one's own sexuality can ultimately lead that person into
homosexuality.
Because
he has been "used" in an unnatural way, he feels the pain of
rejection.
It seems that since the above opinion was written, that more research has been done on this subject indicating that after-birth rejection experiences can have more affect on sex preference than pre-birth. However, even if a child is born with an orientation that they did not choose, they can always choose to ask Jesus to change and deliver them. I have personally seen this happen in a young child.
Whatever the
cause, whether it comes from a current real time wound or one from a
generational sin, Jesus' work is more than enough to heal and to make things
right. I have seen testimonies
from people who have been marvelously set free from this tragedy. If you know someone who is in the wrong
sex preference, please do not place condemnation on him or her, rather say or
do something to bring him or her hope.
I have heard that this type of wound causes a satanic stronghold that is
one of the strongest known in the spiritual realm, and is difficult to break. It all depends upon the heart and
desire of the victim. If he/she
cries out for help, for the truth, Jesus will come and heal and deliver.
Inner wounds from a broken marriage relationship.
While wounds received during our youthful years can be more
damaging, wounds received in a less than perfect marriage, both on us and our
children, can be very damaging and are candidates for inner healing. The Holy
Spirit's ministry is to bring forgiveness, repentance, correction and
consequently healing.
The marriage is a blood covenant, which like all blood
covenants requires the death of both parties to serve one another. Anything
short of this produces wounds that need healing both in the marriage partners
and in the children. Jeremiah 34:18-20 states that the covenant breaker will be
given into the hands of his/her enemies. However we know that forgiveness and
repentance will take the enemy off of our cases.
The commitment in marriage is far greater than saying,
"I will never get a divorce." Making that statement and then spending
more time with your friends than you do your spouse will make your marriage a
living divorce! The commitment is about what you will do, not so much what you
will not do.
Having said all of that, God desires to cleanse you from
any condemnation of a broken marriage. If you played a part in the problem, you
are forgiven; your sins are totally eradicated. If your former or current
spouse has sinned against you, you must practice forgiveness in order to be
free.
Some doctrines regarding divorce being the unpardonable sin
are pure heresy. God never intended to infer that in the Word of God. We have a
series called "Healing From The Wounds of Marriage" which is
available at our website, http://www.isob-bible.org/marriage/tocmar.htm.
Another great resource is a book written by Dr. M.G. McLuhan, Marriage and
Divorce. [1]
God created us with a need for a father.
From what I have learned, the break with our
"father" relationship is the key to our feeling of rejection and
inner wounds. As mentioned before, it may or may not be a "direct"
father break. It could be a generational iniquity coming down from former
generational fathers. It simply could be the break from the time of Adam and
God.
David stated it
simply in Psalm 27.
David acknowledged to God that his parents,
brothers and family could have been far from perfect, but that his one desire
was to be God's son and then to be in continual fellowship with His Heavenly
Father.
Psalm 27:10
Amplified Version says, "Although my father and my mother have forsaken
me, yet the Lord will take me up [adopt me as His child]."
Psalm 27:4 Amplified Version says, "One thing have I
asked of the Lord, that will I seek, inquire for, and [insistently] require:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord [in His presence] all the days of my
life, to behold and gaze upon the beauty [the sweet attractiveness and the
delightful loveliness] of the Lord and to meditate, consider, and inquire in
His temple."
Jesus did not pay the price for our forgiveness
and healing just to go about our lives in the same old way. He paid the most
expensive price so that we, like David, would be in constant fellowship with
our Father.
In his book [4] God A Good Father, author Michael Phillips
makes some profound statements about the fatherhood of God that have really
fastened themselves upon my soul.
The most important
truth in all the universe can be stated in four words: God is our Father. To
the extent we apprehend God's Fatherhood will our life be integrated, whole,
and complete in relationship to the Creator, who made us to live in the
surroundings in which he has placed us.
When we read the
Gospels with our newly trained eyes, we begin to see that God's Fatherhood is
the single truth toward which Jesus always points. It was the entire focal
point of His mission on earth.
In this mission,
however, Jesus forged new ground. Aside from a few instances, throughout the
Old Testament God had not been perceived as a Father. There was no doctrine of
the Trinity Ð no concept of Father, no knowledge of Son, no awareness of Holy
Spirit. Yahweh was "one." Father was arguably the last term anyone
would have used to describe Him.
Nor was the Jew's
religion in Jesus' day a personal one. They viewed God primarily as Lawgiver
and Judge. Moses and David walked in intimate friendship with God, but not so
the masses. The Law was to be obeyed, and the Almighty Judge called Yahweh
stood ready to render judgment when it was broken.
Nowhere in the
theological or philosophical world of Jesus' time, then, was divine character
equated with Fatherhood.
The magnificence of
God's Fatherhood has been dulled almost beyond recognition by earthly fathers.
His Fatherhood is the essential human instinct; that created yearning to look
up and behold our Father" (Paraphrased by author).
Jesus came to heal and to save
mankind from the broken father relationship
I
noticed in the Old Testament that often God had prompted people to leave their
father's house and follow Him. There is overwhelming evidence of the corrupt
fatherhood by most men throughout the Old Testament; fathers who did not
perform their father functions of discipline, love, care, affirmation,
morality, fidelity, etc.
A look and study into John chapter 8 will show Jesus' heart
about this issue. While the Jews at one point stated that Abraham was their
father, when Jesus challenged them they even said that God was their father.
Jesus quickly informed them that actually the Devil was their father. He
informed them that sin must first be dealt with in order for God to be their
Father.
Most of Jesus' last words to his disciples as recorded in
John chapters 14-17 had to do with reconnecting us to the Father. He spoke of
the Holy Spirit coming to be that aspect of God who would be our connector to
Father God. Jesus is the way, meaning to prepare things and referring to the
Word, but the Holy Spirit is the person who really makes the connection
real-time.
Jesus is the way to the Father.
We needed someone to take our sin so that we could be one
with the Father God. Jesus did that. Please always keep in mind that the
forgiveness of sin is two-way. Not only are the sins that we have committed put
on Jesus, but also those committed against us. In order to have continual
fellowship and oneness with our Father God we need Jesus. The Word is Jesus,
therefore the Word is the way to the Father. "Jesus said to him, "I
am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through
Me" (John 14:6).
Jesus revealed the tenderness of the Father.
"Jesus said to him, 'Have I been with you so long, and
yet you have not known Me, Philip? He who has seen Me has seen the Father; so
how can you say, 'Show us the Father'?" (John 14:9). If the Father is like
Jesus, then we can say "Abba," Daddy, with confidence. Galatians 4:6
says, "And because you are sons [huios [5]],
God has sent forth the Spirit of His Son into your hearts, crying out, 'Abba,
Father!'"
John
16:27 Amplified Version says, "For the Father Himself [tenderly] loves you
because you have loved Me and have believed that I came out from the
Father." Meditate and repeat this verse! "The Father tenderly loves
me!" Go ahead say it!
We have intimacy, oneness, with Jesus and the Father.
"that they all may be one, as You, Father, are in Me,
and I in You; that they also may be one in Us, that the world may believe that
You sent Me" (John 17:21).
This Father will never leave you!
"For He Himself has said, 'I will never leave you nor
forsake you'" (Hebrews 13:5b).
You never have to fear again.
Your conduct will not be perfect; you will still sin from time to time. Even then, your Father will never leave
you nor forsake you. He will
always be there to turn you around and bring you back. He is passionate about you.
Study this picture and keep it in your mind and heart
about God's love for you and how the sacrifice of Jesus on the Cross purchased
your wholeness.
Keep this as a picture of where Jesus was when you were
rejected and abused. . Also keep
it in your mind when you sin. He
was right there, taking and bearing the sin on your behalf. "Surely He has
borne our griefs And carried our sorrows; Yet we esteemed Him stricken, Smitten
by God, and afflicted. But He was
wounded for our transgressions, He was
bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed" Isaiah
(53:4, 5).
We can have confidence in having a Father who cares for
us, and our every need.
"And in that day you will ask Me nothing. Most
assuredly, I say to you, whatever you ask the Father in My name He will give
you" (John 16:23). I believe I could paraphrase this as follows: "In
that day, after my resurrection and when you have the Holy Spirit, you may
approach the Father as I approach Him because you will have the same
"name" or character that I have. He will treat you just as He treats
Me. He will take care of your every need (even the discipline that you need to
conform to My name)."
The solution.
If most of our inner wounds come from rejection, and the
worst rejection or broken relationship is with that of a father, then the
ultimate connection that heals is with our Father God. Rejection is the most
powerful negative force, while love is the most powerful positive force.
Therefore inner healing has two primary steps.
1. Seeing Jesus as our sin bearer, thus being able to
forgive those who rejected us.
This is the door to the next step.
2. Fellowshipping with our Father through our continual
transparency and through Jesus the Word.
Jesus was rejected and wounded for you.
I pray that the Holy Spirit makes these Scriptures real to you.
ÒAnd at the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, ÒEloi, Eloi,
lama sabachthani?Ó which is translated, 'My God, My God, why have You forsaken
Me?'Ó (Mark 15:34).
ÒHe is despised and rejected by men, A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him; He was despised, and we did not esteem HimÓ (Isaiah 53:3).
______________________
Forgiveness Worksheet
List the people who have caused pain in your life.
List the people who you have had a difficult time forgiving.
Write in your own words, from your own feelings, how you feel
about these people. Be honest, do
not pretend.
Now as an act of your will, not from your feelings, say, "I forgive
________________. I choose to see
the sin they perpetrated against me as going on to Jesus as He was my
sin-bearer. Now Father I ask you
to line up my feelings with my decision to forgive." "But if you do
not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your
trespasses" (Matthew 6:15).
Now list the sins that you have in your life. Confess them to the Lord. Confess means to speak, but also to
agree with how Jesus sees them.
"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive
us our sins and to
cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9).
This Father will never leave you!
"For He Himself has said, 'I will never leave you nor forsake
you'" (Hebrews 13:5b). You
never have to fear again. Your
conduct will not be perfect; you will still sin from time to time. Even then, your Father will never leave
you nor forsake you. He will
always be there to turn you around and bring you back. He is passionate about you.
Now take this sheet of paper, and nail it to a piece of wood, as
if it were the Cross of Jesus.
Endnotes
[1] Inner Healing Dunklin Memorial
Ministries used by permission
[5] Huios defined in Strong's Concordance: those who revere God as their father,
those who in character and life resemble God, those who are governed by the
Spirit of God, repose the same calm and joyful trust in God which children do
in their parents (Rom. 8:14, Gal. 3:26), and hereafter in the blessedness and
glory of the life eternal will openly wear this dignity of the sons of God.
Term used preeminently of Jesus Christ, as enjoying the supreme love of God, united
to him in affectionate intimacy, privy to his saving councils, obedient to the
Father's will in all his acts [6] Inner Healing Copyright 1992 by Dunklin Memorial Church Used by permission ISOB. Web link:
http://www.isob-bible.org/openlessons.htm#heal