Session Eleven
Low Self Esteem and the Importance of a Goal
Low self-esteem is a scab in our lives. Low self-esteem has an effect upon everything that transpires during our lifetime. Every circumstance and every situation that occurs throughout our lives, we filter through our low self-esteem.
Low self-esteem has an initial cause, and it has a maintenance factor. The cause of low self-esteem is probably the programming we received as children. As impressionable little children, we may have received put-downs, such as.
… "You can't walk across the room without falling on your face!"
… "You'll never amount to anything!"
… "Why are you so stupid?!"
A myriad of put-downs said to us by parents who didn't realize what they were doing to us have programmed us into having a low opinion of ourselves. We respected the wisdom of our elders, so we received their put-downs as truth.
That is the probable cause of our low self-esteem. But it has been maintained throughout our adulthood in a different way. We continue to believe we are less than worthwhile because we really don't know who we are in Christ.
When we were conceived, when we became form and substance in our mother's womb, the Lord, by His Spirit, gave us a spirit. He breathed life into us. There is no life without God. God is the Author and the Finisher of life.
Man has tried over and over to create life, but he has never been successful. For example, we can manufacture a facsimile of a grain of rice so that it will look and feel exactly like a grain of rice. We can even plant it, but it will not grow, because it must have God's life in it.
God imparted life to us. We became a spirit person. Now, because we were not supernaturally conceived, we inherited the genetic nature of Adam. We inherited the ability and the nature to sin, right there in the womb. It came genetically, down through mankind from Adam to our parents.
When we came forth into the world, we had the sin nature in us. But, we were still a spirit person. Our life is in our spirit. When we die our spirit doesn't die, only our flesh dies. Our spirit goes either to be with the Lord, or it goes to hell.
Then, at the moment we accepted Jesus Christ as our Savior, something supernatural happened. A transplantation took place in us. The old man, the old spirit person, became fused with Christ, and God considered him as crucified, dead and buried with Christ. He then imparted to us a new nature, a new man, and a new spirit person incapable of sin.
Inside us is a spirit being which contains the Spirit of Christ, and the Spirit of Christ is incapable of sin (2 Corinthians 5:17). We have within us this spirit person, this new being, this new birth, that says, "I am incapable of sin, and I will not sin. There is no way in the world I am going to sin."
Now, we have a mild problem in all of this. God couldn't give us a supernatural body without killing us, so He put that new nature, that new spirit being incapable of sin, into our old earthen vessel. And the old earthen vessel has programmed by the old man with the Adamic nature. It has developed certain personality characteristics and habit patterns that are sinful.
We are confronted with a battle between the new nature and the old nature habit patterns that remain. They are only leftovers from the influence of the old man, but they are still powerful habits. Inside us we have those natural tendencies, those natural habit patterns with the disposition to sin. But that is all they are, habit patterns established down through the years of programming by our old man.
Our challenge is the necessity to bring out the new nature, the nature incapable of sin, while eradicating the old habit patterns. Most of us try to do this by our own will. We determine, "I will not do that anymore!" Unfortunately, the will is part of our flesh, so we have a situation in which flesh is fighting flesh, and there is not going to be a spiritual victory.
There is a solution, and we can find it right in the Bible. John the Baptist didn't say, "I must decrease, that He may increase." He said, He must increase, but I must decrease. (John 3:30)
The only way to win the battle which is going on inside is to bring in more of Jesus Christ, to focus upon Jesus Christ. Whatever we focus upon tends to grow larger within us. As we bring in more Light by focusing upon Jesus, there is less room for darkness. The sole thing upon which we need to concentrate is our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
We need to get into a deep, heavy relationship with Jesus Christ. The heavier the relationship with Jesus, the greater His opportunity to make the necessary changes within us. And the more changes take place in our flesh, the more that old nature is washed out.
Were not even conscious of the change because we are not accomplishing it on our own. But when we look back a couple of months we can see we have changed. Not because we did it deliberately, it was the effect of concentrating upon Jesus Christ, and allowing Him to bring forth that new nature which He put in us.
However, at the same time, we are still programmed to believe we continue to have the old sinful nature. The truth is, we no longer have the old nature, we have the carryover from the old nature. What we have to do now is to eliminate the old habit patterns and old thought processes. We don't have to fight the old man anymore, the old man is dead. God did that in a supernatural way. God is the only one who can give life, so He made that transplantation inside us. Study Romans 6, and Galatians 2.
When we begin to understand all this, we can see that the reason we have low self-esteem is because we still think we have the old man inside us, pushing us to sin. That is a lie, because the old man is dead. The only thing we have pushing us to sin is the carryover from the influence of the old man. Satan would have us focus on the carryover, so he can bring us under condemnation because of the sin that remains in our lives.
But Jesus says, "No, don't focus upon the sin that remains, simply focus upon Me." We must understand that focusing upon the carryover is focusing upon self, and that is exactly what Satan wants us to do. But the Lord says, "Don't do that, focus on Me. I'll take care of that sinful nature. Just relax about that. If you will focus on Me, I will prove to you that I can wash you clean. I can really make you a new creature in Me."
We see that low self-esteem is a scab. What we have to do is lay that low self-esteem on the altar before the Lord and ask Him to consume it. We are to ask Him to replace it with His self-esteem, which He gave us along with our new man. Then we will know who we are in Christ, and we can move on with Him. If we continue in our low self-esteem, we will filter everything through it, and it will have an adverse effect upon everything we do.
Low self-esteem generates self-consciousness. But self-consciousness is really "others consciousness". Because we have a low opinion of ourselves, we are concerned about what other people may think about what we say or do. 1 Sam 15:19-24: I feared the people and listened to their voice.
In many ways, we are like King Saul. Our concern for what others think creates inhibitions within us, and those inhibitions can cause us to miss God's perfect will for our lives. Because King Saul was more concerned with what the people thought than what God thought, he missed God's perfect will for his life. Like King Saul, we are going to be challenged constantly to compromise.
We must understand that if we pay more attention to what people think and say about us, if we are more concerned about that, we may in fact miss God's perfect will for our lives.
It is never too late to change. It is never too late for God to do something worthwhile in our lives. God has the ability to accelerate healing, and to accelerate His purposes in a person's life. It is a mistake to think it is too late. We never come to a point where we must say, "Oh well, what's the use." That will never be true, regardless of our age. It is never too late. When we believe that for ourselves, we can convey it to others.
GOALS and EXPEDIENCE:
Now let's consider the concept of establishing goals in our lives. We should accept the fact that no goal is worthwhile unless it glorifies God in some fashion. For this reason we need to take a long, hard look at our goals.
One of the problems we have as a society is what we will call the E Factor. The E" Factor is the Expediency Factor. We have become an expedient society. Because of that, we have lost our ability to successfully meet our goals in life.
It is really interesting that we get a big kick out of seeing a man win a million dollars in a lottery, but we resent the fellow who has worked all his life, invested properly and has accumulated a million dollars. There is something wrong with a society like that.
The problem is the Expediency Factor. We want what we want now, were not willing to discipline ourselves. For example, the E Factor says, Im am not willing to wait on God. As a matter of fact, I'm not willing to wait on anything." The E Factor says, I'm not going to wait until I can afford the television set, I'm going to go out and get the television set and charge it. I will pay that extra 18% finance charge because I want it now, and I'm going to get it now." But if someone suggests that we save 18% every week out of our pay check, we'll say, What are you talking about, I can't save that much, I need that to live on!"
The E Factor says, "We've got to fulfill the great American dream, to have the maximum house we can possibly afford." But, in reality, that is the great American nightmare, because we become financially locked into the house. Everything we do centers around that house. The money we pour into the house is absolutely incredible! We sacrifice all our freedom to do other things.
Why is it that the little Armenian comes to America, moves into a basement apartment, pays rent, and pretty soon he owns the entire city block? But the American who was born here can't even own his own home. The reason is the E Factor. The Armenian saves his money, he does without, and he invests wisely. But the American indulges in the E Factor, goes into debt and never gets out.
It all comes back to not being willing to wait on God to direct our steps. It simply takes too much time. We have developed a drive-through window mentality. We use the drive-through window, we pick up our order, and we eat it on the run. We pay more for it, and we know it isn't very healthy for us, but that's all right because it satisfies our need for expediency.
We have a tough day at work, so we come home and grab a beer out of the refrigerator. Why? Because we want to change our feeling, right now! It helps us to relax, immediately. It is the E Factor at work. That beer does its job so well, we decide we'll have another. Then, before long, we have blown the whole evening, including our relationship with our family. It doesn't have to be beer; it could be marijuana, or any other mood-altering drug.
We don't even consider the possibility of sitting down with our wives and saying, "I had kind of a tough time today. I'd like to tell you about it, then I would appreciate it if you will pray for me." We are unwilling to wait for God to settle us down, we want relief, now! It's the E Factor at work.
The E Factor is a trap. Satan is riding hard on the E Factor in each of us. That very same trap has gotten the entire United States into an incredible indebtedness. Some day we are going to have to pay for it, as a nation.
There is a way to escape that bondage. If we will put to work for ourselves the process of compound interest, within 20 years we can be absolutely financially independent. This is how we can do it. From whatever we earn, we give 10% to God, and invest 10%, starting with a savings account. It doesn't make any difference how much we earn per week. We have been blowing that 20% all along.
If we will put it to work, in five years we will begin to see the exponential curve that takes place when compound interest takes over. Depending upon how much we put in, we can shorten that to ten or fifteen years, but it is a guarantee that if we will do it for 20 years, each and everyone of us can be financially independent. That means we will not be financially dependent upon anybody else, except Jesus.
To work toward financial independence can be a good goal. However, there are other good goals in life. We have been so accustomed to one-dimensional thinking, with all our wounds and addiction problems, that we are not used to setting goals. We may need help learning how to evaluate, set up and work toward healthy, godly goals for our lives.
Our goals can now be established from a basis of healthy self-esteem, since we are learning to identify with Christ. He will help us reach for goals of ministering to Him and to others. He will help us walk toward Him and His desire for us, in faith, hope and love.
The majority of people have no idea how to go about establishing goals. It is all right to establish goals, then to continue to adjust them as our situations change. That is a healthy approach to goal setting.
Listed below is an exercise that can help each of us establish his initial goal.
1. What five things do I value most in life? (Things I would be willing to fight for)
2. What are my three most important goals right now?
3. If I won a million dollars in a lottery, how would I spend it? List 4 ways, with no limitations)
4. How would I spend my time if I knew I had only six months to live?
5. What have I always wanted to do but been afraid to try?
6. Of all the things I have done, what has given me the greatest feeling of importance or success? (This could be my area of excellence)
7. If I had one wish, or could take one pill which would enable me to accomplish whatever I want, what would that be, if I knew absolutely that I could not fail?
8. Now I will pick one major definite purpose and I will commit all my energies and efforts to achieve that one goal. The goal is:
9. Next, I will list six activities necessary to accomplish my goal.
10. I will now list six actions necessary to accomplish each of the six activities. (You will need to record this on a separate page. You will have 36 separate actions when you have finished, six actions for each of the six activities necessary to accomplish your goal).
11. Finally, I will prioritize each of the six actions and schedule in a monthly plan book specific days, along with the time of those days that I will implement each action.
This is a process through which we can arrive at our primary goal in life. It would be wise to give this some time. We must remember, we are new creatures in Christ. And we must also remember, Christ has to be in the goal. That doesnt mean the goal should be a super spiritual goal, it just means that Christ has to be in everything we do.
A word about prosperity. We can't handle it on our own. If we will study the nation of Israel, we will see they could never handle God's prosperity. They always took their eyes off God and put their eyes on material things. In every case, it wasn't very long before they were back in bondage to another nation.
Prosperity can be very deceptive. In the majority of cases, if we approach a wealthy man and tell him he needs Jesus Christ, he will reply, "Why do I need Jesus Christ? I have everything I need." He feels no need for Jesus Christ. There will come a time in our lives, if we keep our eyes focused upon Jesus Christ, that He will, in fact, exalt us. That will probably be the biggest test in our lives, because we will have a tendency, a natural tendency, especially if we have had low self esteem, to take the prosperity God is giving us, and get puffed up like a bantam rooster. But it won't be long before somebody will chop off our head.
The more material things we have and the more success we experience, the less time we spend with God. Possessions have a tendency to possess us. The man who has a million dollars is very concerned about keeping that million dollars. He is so concerned that he puts all his energies and efforts upon keeping that million dollars. He tries to get another million just so he can protect the first million. And in the process, God is left out.
Some of us will do as suggested here, keeping Jesus as the center all the way through. If so, it is a principle that He will, in all probability, prosper us in some fashion. If so, we should never forget where it came from. We should never think we have it figured out, and that we can handle whatever comes our way. The fact is, as soon as we think we are in charge, we are not in charge. The prince of the power of the air will come in and guide and direct us, and the result will be disaster. So, our acid test may come in the form of prosperity. It is easy to look to God when we are down, but when we are on top of the world, it is a different story.
The goal exercise we just participated in, takes us beyond simply getting healed from drugs and alcohol. It takes us into another dimension. We must keep in mind that we have to take Jesus Christ with us into that next dimension. We are back in the flesh and headed toward oblivion if we don't.
It has been said that true healing is not a manipulation of the external situation, it is a change of heart. It is not brought on by a change of circumstances, even though a change of circumstances may accompany it. As we discover who we are in Christ, our goals for this life will adequately reflect His heart.
HOMEWORK: Seek the Lord's guidance, and complete the questionnaire.
Session Eleven . . . Low Self Esteem and The Importance of A Goal
Personal and Group Exercise (see page 116)
1. Why is low self-esteem a scab that must become a scar?
2. Why do we continue to sin even though we have a new nature incapable of sin?
3. How do we decrease in order for the Spirit of Jesus to increase within us?
4. Why is it important for us not to be overly conscious of what others think and say about us?
5. In what way does the E Factor work against our relationship with God?
6. Why is it important for us to be Christ-conscious when we are establishing and fulfilling our goals?
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