The human psyche and spirit is very delicate and vulnerable.  God made it that way so that we could be intimate with Him.  However this also left us very vulnerable to evil influences as well. 

Studies show that most addictions and other strongholds are the result of a broken relationship.  Most of those have been some sort of broken relationship with the father.

Malachi speaks of the curse due to the broken father relationship.

"Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet Before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the LORD. And he will turn The hearts of the fathers to the children, And the hearts of the children to their fathers, Lest I come and strike the earth with a curse.""

Notice, the last words of the Old Testament speak of a reconciliation with the broken father relationship, and then it says that if this is not reconciled that the result will be a curse (Malachi 4:5-6).  While this is speaking of John the Baptist and the coming of Jesus, notice that the word "before" does not mean to precede or to happen beforetime.  It means before, as in the presence of.  This is Jesus' ministry to bring us before Him, into His very presence so that our relationships may be healed, especially with the father figures.  How does this happen?  Only Jesus could accomplish this because He was the One who bore all the wounds of what caused the relationship to be broken.

Malachi also speaks of a curse for a broken marriage relationship.

Malachi 2:13-15, says, "And this is the second thing you do: You cover the altar of the LORD with tears, With weeping and crying; So He does not regard the offering anymore, Nor receive it with goodwill from your hands. Yet you say, "For what reason?" Because the LORD has been witness Between you and the wife of your youth, With whom you have dealt treacherously; Yet she is your companion And your wife by covenant. But did He not make them one, Having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit, And let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth."

Malachi 2:16, says,  ""For the LORD God of Israel says That He hates divorce, For it covers one's garment with violence," Says the LORD of hosts. "Therefore take heed to your spirit, That you do not deal treacherously.""  Treacherously means betrayal of fidelity.   As in the broken father relationship, in the same way, Jesus bore the wounds of what caused breakups in marriage.

This series is in no way condemning to those who have experienced divorce.  I have, and those self-righteous people who have no mercy nor understand the grace and redeeming power of God have attacked me.  Divorce, in my opinion, is often just the funeral of something that is dead.  Often, the mistake or sin is not in the divorce itself as much as it is in the mistaken marriage or the lack of marriage relationship in the blood covenant.  So many people have made decisions about marriage when they are not able to hear from God. 

If you have been divorced, it matters not whether it was your fault or the other person's.  What matters is that God wants to heal you from the wounds caused by this trauma.  He wants you to get on with your life and be fruitful in His Kingdom.  He will use your divorce for His glory if you allow Him.  If you do not go through the healing of the wounds caused by your past marriage, you will never be happy whether married or single!

If you have not been divorced or even never married, this series will also apply to you.  Broken relationships can exist within any marriage, even those marriages that on the surface may appear to be whole and well.

If you have never been married, then us this as a pattern for your future marriage, if God has one in mind for you.

Conviction verses condemnation.

Galatians 2:20 says that we have been crucified with Christ, but that we now have Christ living in us.  That means that our old sinful nature went to the Cross and died.  Then why do we still struggle?  Because those old "tapes and thought patterns" are still alive in our mind, not in our nature. 

The Law, God's precepts and rules for being blessed, are not so much a command as they are a mirror to show us that some of our old nature is still prevailing.  God's purpose for that is that we repent, and when we do, His nature comes to the surface instead.  When we try to keep laws and precepts, we will fail.  This failure should only lead to repentance not condemnation.

Conviction means that you have been convicted of a crime in a court.  Condemnation means the judge has sentenced you to death, a final condemnation with no way out.  When we find ourselves not being perfect in a marriage or other relationship, even our relationship with God, we should be convicted.  However, we should know that His blood, His death took our condemnation.  We are not condemned because He was.  Now our heart-felt and sincere repentance allows His character to replace our old sinful character and we move on to maturity.

What we hope to present in this series is:

1         All godly relationships in the Bible are covenant based.

2.          God's blue print for marriage is a covenant relationship. 

3.         A covenant cannot exist or be maintained without two deaths and without blood.

4.           Covenant is a mystery.  One cannot understand it without preparation and diligent seeking.

5.          A marriage covenant involves dying to self for the purpose of giving to the other person, agape love.

6.         After the "death" God supplies the supernatural element, resurrection!

7.           If you have not had the covenant relationship, you have been wounded, or you have wounded another.

8.         There is healing for these wounds through the fact that Jesus was wounded on the inside for these abuses from you and against you.

9.         The solutions are repentance and forgiveness.  The goal is to allow Jesus to open the wounds and heal them.  This can be painful, but otherwise you will always have a scab instead of a scar.

10.         No matter where you stand, if you are still single, married or divorced, God can make your life "heaven on earth."

11.         In chapters 2 and 3, we cover more about blood covenants in general and some practical ways of ministering to your spouse.

12.           In chapter 2 we address the fact that you cannot love another with agape love unless you have experienced it yourself.  We go into the depths of the love of God at the Cross.

Some facts.

In the USA 50% of all marriages fail, and the percentage is almost the same inside the church population.  This has caused unbelievers to say that traditional marriage is a mistake. Feminists have take that position due to the horrible abuse women have experienced.  "You can't depend upon a man, etc.  Actually, men have also been abused, but not to the same degree.  Women have been abused as children by fathers and by husbands.  This principle began after the Fall in the when they were cast out of the Garden of Eden.

Satan and the world has turned marriage upside down, but there is a mystery that brings heaven to earth.

You need to drop your prejudice and open your hearts to the Word of God.

God's blueprint is heaven on earth.  Jesus taught us to pray, "Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven."  Heaven's blue prints for marriage is absolutely fantastic, and it is possible to have that perfect pattern here on earth, nearly perfect that is.

The form of marriage that had become acceptable in Israel in the Old Testament had become lower than God's standard.  God's original purpose was expressed when He created Adam and Eve.  In that union they had lost their separate identities and became "one flesh."  It is the purpose of Jesus to restore marriage in the lives of His disciples to the original standard revealed at creation, i.e., a blood covenant relationship.

Jesus said what He did about divorce and marriage because the religious men of His day were marrying just to obtain a possession and a slave.  When the woman no longer pleased them, they hid behind Moses' law and obtained a divorce.  Jesus told them that such practices were sinful and they had not avoided breaking the Law.

However the original design is a hidden mystery, and the discovery of that mystery takes preparation by you.  It is a key, and the key is hidden

You must prepare yourself to discover this mystery.

Psalm 25 12-14 says,  "Who is the man that fears the LORD? Him shall He teach in the way He chooses. He himself shall dwell in prosperity, And his descendants shall inherit the earth. The secret of the LORD is with those who fear Him, And He will show them His covenant."

How do you prepare yourself?  God wants to reveal the mystery to you, but you must make the effort.  The effort lies in seeking, with all of your heart, an intimate relationship with God and allowing Him to change you into His likeness.

God reveals His mysteries to those who fear Him.

Fear of the Lord is the key to unlock the mystery of the covenant.  Submit to God, obey Him, repent, drop pride, be teachable, listen to God, take up your cross and determine to live the love life at any cost.  This does not mean to live without boundaries for outsiders, or boundaries where there is abuse.

Psalms 24 indicates that those who have a pure heart and clean hands will qualify to "see" God.  When He is "seen" you are changed! 

Malachi talks about those attributes that prove that there is no fear of the Lord. Malachi 3:5, "And I will come near you for judgment; I will be a swift witness Against sorcerers, Against adulterers, Against perjurers, Against those who exploit wage earners and widows and orphans, And against those who turn away an alien--Because they do not fear Me," Says the LORD of hosts."

Here is what you will discover.  I can write about the mystery here and wet your appetite, but in the end, God must reveal it to you in revelation knowledge, revealing the mystery to you.

Marriage was designed as a covenant relationship.  Typically people look to one another on how they can make "me" happy.  Covenant is a commitment on how I can meet your needs, and die to my own needs.  There are no godly relationships in the Bible without a covenant, a blood covenant.  There is no such thing as a covenant without the "death" of both parties. 

Covenant brings two into oneness.  Look again at God's blueprint for that oneness. Malachi 2:15 included the statement "But did He not make them one…?"

Jesus took up His Cross and died for our sinful nature.  He took our fallen nature and died with it.  That was His part of the covenant. 

However, there must be two deaths.  Unless you take up your cross, you cannot partake of His blood benefits. Luke 9:23,24, says, "Then He said to them all, 'If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me.  For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will save it.'"

The practical application in a covenant marriage is this:  Both parties must "die" to their own selfish desires, and must be committed to  "do something" for the benefit of the other person. 

"I will do something, or I will die.  I will do this thing when it means "death" to my own wants."

Some people think that commitment means I will NOT do something.  They say, "I promise to never leave you."  That is good, but it is much more.  It means I WILL do something.  Who wants a divorce when both are pleasing the other person? 

Your interests take precedent over my interests.  I no longer live for myself, I live for you.  I will take time to listen to you, to seek your benefits, to make your life more fulfilled, more significant, to lift you up and seek your best, even at the expense of my own interest.

Relationships are what are most important to God.  Men have missed it totally for the most part, and women are burned out trying.  Men, how can you expect your wife to crave you when your head is buried in the newspaper, TV, or at the golf course all the time?  Then you wonder why the romance is gone! 

Women, how do you expect for your husband to be the "boyfriend" he was before you married, when you are always criticizing him to his face and at the ladies Bible study?

Here is the payoff! Resurrection is supernatural.  It is the element that God adds! God will make the two one!

People have not experienced heaven on earth in their marriage because they have not allowed resurrection to take place.  Only God can take two people who die to themselves and resurrect them into something beautiful.  God will make the two one!  Without resurrection, you are in a compromised marriage, one that is based upon the kingdom of this world, over which Satan is the prince. 

Marriage unity brings heaven to earth!

Psalm 133 indicates that when we dwell together in unity that God commands a blessing and brings us to Zion, or His presence.  Husbands and wives must seek together.  Unity in the marriage brings an awesome blessing.

Ephesians 5:22-32 talks about the mystery.  "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church."

Notice the difference between the commands given to the wife and the husband.  While the wife is supposed to give or submit herself to the husband, the husband is called to give himself for the wife.  Christ gave Himself for us, which makes us rush to give ourselves to Him.  This is the marriage pattern.  It seems to me that the initiative is with the husband as it was with Christ!

You both must "die" to your own interests, and then watch God do a supernatural resurrection where two become one.  Resurrection depends upon death first.  How can you expect a resurrected blood covenant marriage unless you both die first?

Actually it is a threefold relationship.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, says, "Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up. Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; But how can one be warm alone? Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken."

We first must take up our cross with Jesus.  Then we are automatically in right relationship with our spouse.  The spouse does the same thing, and the result is a three- fold cord.  Rope-makers know that a three-fold cord is the strongest.  They can add and make it four, five or six fold, and the strength does increase.  A two-fold cord is very weak.  That is a mystery!!

You may be taking your marriage with less seriousness than you should be doing. 

You may have just "tuned out" and are just trying to make it.  However, when judgment time comes, you will be judged for your degree of taking up your cross with Jesus.  That is something eternal, and fearful.  So wake up and do the "dying" you owe to Jesus.  You will have eternal rewards, and chances are that you will have the temporal reward as well. 

Also, the law of sowing and reaping applies here.  Remember the Galatians Scriptures that says that God is not mocked, but whatsoever one sows, that and that only is what he will reap?  If you are indifferent or perhaps even worse than that towards your spouse, watch out, the harvest is coming and it will not be a good one!

Sounds good, but how do I do this?

1.  Seek God.  Seek His face and use discipline in your relationship skills with Him.

2.  Be honest with one another and with God

3.  Communicate with your spouse and with God.

4.  Listen to your spouse and to God.

5.  Don't criticize.

6.  Learn the other's language.  Ask the Holy Spirit to be the translator.

7.  If you are not more concerned with God's will and the welfare of your spouse than your own, then repent and ask to be forgiven.

What if you are in a "one sided" marriage that looks hopeless?

What if you married without God's guidance?  What if your spouse is no longer interested in your marriage or in a relationship with God?  What if your spouse is abusive?  There are no easy answers, but here are a few suggestions.

Caution, danger! 

If your spouse is continually taking up his/her cross and attempting to please God by laying down his/her life for you and God, I have a warning for you.  If you continually take advantage of your spouse, take them for granted by not taking up your cross for Jesus and your spouse, you are in for some judgment and suffering!

God will not let you off so easy.  If you have been doing this, then quickly turn, ask forgiveness (on your hands and knees) and God will bless you beyond measure.

If you have a spouse who is taking advantage of you laying down your life, God will care for you.  You cannot lose by trying.

1.           God is very serious about abuse and does not require you to remain in an abusive relationship.

2.         Exactly what you should do cannot be expressed by a principle.  You must hear from God for yourself!  Principles do not work here because every situation is customized.  However, chances are you got into your mess by not hearing from God, so now is the time to hear from Him.  He has the solution, for sure!  He will not forsake you.  When you are desperate enough, you will hear Him speaking because He loves you and wants the best for you.

3.          If you have taken up your cross and gone deep with the Lord you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.  You are in covenant with Him and He is jealous over you.  He will give you and abundant life.  I have seen this principle operate many times.  It works; you will not lose if you continually stay in touch with Him!  This is a time when simple principles will not work; you must see Him and hear from Him!

If you have not been in a totally committed covenant marriage, Satan has his license to do as he pleases!  Satan has every right to operate in a covenant transgressor's life.  However forgiveness and repentance will nullify Satan's power.

Jeremiah 34:18-20, says,  "'And I will give the men who have transgressed My covenant, who have not performed the words of the covenant which they made before Me, when they cut the calf in two and passed between the parts of it-- 'the princes of Judah, the princes of Jerusalem, the eunuchs, the priests, and all the people of the land who passed between the parts of the calf-- 'I will give them into the hand of their enemies and into the hand of those who seek their life. Their dead bodies shall be for meat for the birds of the heaven and the beasts of the earth."

The bottom line.

We are called to take up our cross and live the love life just because Jesus purchased us and He owns us. He wants to live His life through you. If you do not allow Him to do so, you will have to answer for that to Him. What is at stake is much more than marriage.

We need inner healing from the wounds. Jesus was there when you were wounded and He bore them. When you agree with that, it is called forgiveness, and you are healed.

 

Right here!

 

Isaiah 53:3-8, NKJV "He is despised and rejected by men, A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him; He was despised, and we did not esteem Him. Surely He has borne our griefs And carried our sorrows; Yet we esteemed Him stricken, Smitten by God, and afflicted. But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed. All we like sheep have gone astray; We have turned, every one, to his own way; And the LORD has laid on Him the iniquity of us all. He was oppressed and He was afflicted, Yet He opened not His mouth; He was led as a lamb to the slaughter, And as a sheep before its shearers is silent, So He opened not His mouth. He was taken from prison and from judgment, And who will declare His generation? For He was cut off from the land of the living; For the transgressions of My people He was stricken."

We will cover more issues in Chapters 2 and 3.

HOMEWORK

Study Ephesians 5:22-32 and Isaiah 53. Make a list of your perceived wounds, and the wounds you have afflicted and practice forgiveness by putting those sins on Jesus. See Him as the One who was between you and your victim or perpetrator, the One who BORE your sins.

 When we use the term "taking up your cross," we mean, living the life of unconditional love and devotion to Jesus when it is contrary to your will, desire and emotions.